yesterday

now
no longer a question of holding back
but a question of
when we give in
and the words seem empty without the reasons
without the answers you used to
give me

so where do i begin
to seek a life without much presence
of
you 
and
meanings to regain consciousness
has never seemed so 

...unpleasant

it was just brilliant
moments ago
when our eyes met without much distaste
and
when secrets were barely
options
to clench our hearts
away from each other

you would never have walked away like you did
if
we hadn't held back
if
laughter was more genuine
than the flicker of
turning away that i captured
in our smiles

now
i'm bound between
realizing the truth of who you are
yet wishing you held it in longer
and suddenly
lies
seem much more beautiful
than what i see