I'm Gay

Not a poem.

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People say once you take one faulty step, the rest screw up.
People also say you can turn back to the beginning, but I say that's only if they let you.

I once took a faulty step, but everyone else did the screwing up. 
They judged.
They bloody judged when I tried to make my life a little more stable. I am always wrong, he is always right; we were saying the same things. I was unacceptable. Because I'm the odd one, & he's not. Because I'm gay and he's not, no, no, he's in some goddamn church exchanging rings in holy matrimony.
I am never allowed, and he is; though we're asking for the same things.
Like wanting to be a parent.

I want kids; I've always loved them. My cousins and friends, who've all managed to avoid the inconvenience of suddenly realizing they liked being fucked up the ass, all had children, and I used to play with them. Before.
Before everyone 'found me out'.
Before they knew me well enough, before Uncle Sammy has a chance of carrying a fatal disease & a twisted mind, so kids, stay away! Watch out, or Sam the GayAIDSvictim will come fuck your tiny little asses! Yeah... When I really needed people to believe in me for being myself... they made me feel like... an alien.

And that's why I want a child. I adore the way they make you feel good about yourself by drawing a picture for you and capture your attention by doing the littlest things... how they so easily depend and trust you. The way they have faith in you long after you've fallen, the way they always see you as you, and appreciate it.
They remind me of things I've forgotten... innocence, a mind so free of complications, hurt, trouble. 
I see the way people look at me when I took my little niece out. I liked it. Then I saw the way they looked at Martin & I. And I knew squeezing a child into the frame would be completely unimaginable.

Why? Just because I fuck guys and am one, too, I am uncapable of childcare? And those heterosexuals that're the parents of all those abandonned children in those HUNDREDS of orphanages - oh sure! - they're more capable than me, then?

I'm supposed to be selfish for wanting to care for a child already here rather than pay a random lady to bring another in this shithole? Why? Because you believe my children will suffer from the knowledge that they have two fathers and no mother? That's bullshit!

It is not about who does the parenting, but how you do it.

Yes, I'm gay. Yes, I go against an 'act of nature' for having two penises in the picture and no vagina. 
But let's think of those parents of the orphans. The 'act of nature' they did, did they even take any responsibility for it? No. They didn't.

I can't bring a kid into the world, obviously enough, but it doesn't mean I can't care for one that's already here. There's no harm for wanting to care for a child. 

I'm gay, yeah. I'll burn in hell, sure. I don't make love in the right way, supposedly. 
But that doesn't falter my capability to love.
Unlike those who made love and threw it away.