cigarette hearts

i've got life between my fingers
and breath clogged with
chained frustration
thoughts staining every scar darker on my skin

the only thing between me and the world
are two cigarettes and an ashtray
self lit in the dark, sparks
crashing into ground.

i set myself free with twenty
a day, sometimes overdosing on
rushestomyhead to stop
myself feeling sane because
sane is another meaning of pain

- and i am through with that.

the day i ignited life
between my lips
and embraced death with past inflictions.


thoughts that linger on pillowcases
clogged and tried
of days when things were blurred
the nights that never gave me chance
to breath

it is relief that washes over me
when i no longer find
descriptions that fit
and your name tastes
to my tongue a language
your memories unrehearsed

the playbacks in my mind are stagnant
but no longer haunting

and for the first in a while
i learn to embrace reality
because it pulls away all the
i endured for you
replacing instead
a new mind;
less dangerous less
less choked.


glitter dreams
starlight on my skin
as i lay fluorescent
wide eyed
breathing underwater and
learning how to count on
stagnant stars
because you're only lucky enough
to ever see seven shooting stars
once in your life

that night
i was ethereal
with seven wishes to hope upon
yet stand today
knowing none came true

days when
i wake up to heavy sounds

like i am floating

because something inside me
is being sucked out

sucked in?

miniature objects
that stun me
like a secret smile
like a secret
yelling in my ear
teaching me to stay silent
even though my heart
is screaming for air

screaming for air
like stale suffocation