Farewell, childhood

I grew up in a world
filled with
separation and despair
but there was always a tint of
behind the drapes of anger

I grew up
believing false words
and misunderstood a life before
with paranoia as a parent
and confusion
a tool

Farewell, childhood
you have bid me no good
I have grown up
and flown
from your clenches of untruth

I grew up with a culture
divided and forced
I grew up with a life
drawn out and

Farewell, childhood
you beauty is now stained
I have grown up and flown
far from your grip
I will miss my good memories
stashed away with the bad
Farewell, childhood
the little I had

I grew up
with visions uncomprehended
blurred and misguided
I grew up up with
a love that fed
denial that brimmed
through the soul of the broken

I grew up unsure
with a thousand questions
I grew up untamed
frustrated with

Farewell, childhood
I have outgrown you
you have failed to teach me
but I will find my own light
Farewell, childhood
you had bid me no good
with paranoia as a parent
and confusion a tool

Farewell, childhood
I have now grown up and
I will leave you behind
my past
with everything untrue
and i will live an empty start
to fill with
an untainted future

Farewell, childhood
I have grown up
and flown.

bad habits

I am never as perfect a picture
you paint
- but I still try my best
because in your eyes
i am beautiful though my min
is torn

- still beaten,
tainted with a soul full of
fear and darkness, fear
and weakness and there are
many reasons to why i could
hate myself
and fear
and panic
because i would rather cower in my fall
than risk losing balance
when i try to be strong

I can sense how some words
taste bitter on your tongue
and hang in empty air
because nothing else fits

and I hate when I cannot
bring myself to open up
and sweeten the atmosphere

I have the tendency to
search for hidden things
I never really needed to find
but I still hunt, on
and on, because I have always had
the tendencies to hurt myself
with self inflicted torment

when i will sift through
thoughts of our past
i ache with a fury i cannot comprehend
a missing piece that will never be
even though we are now
our own world

- and that is when i get scared as hell
because I wake up
to the wrench of a nightmare

there will always be rainclouds
in the pure blue of our sky
blurred and left unwiped

a bruise in the corner of my heart
the clogs that will never release

I will only hope to still find you here
when I wake from a distant call
because that is all that matters now
despite the callouses of my mind.

fingers in the sky

There is nothing I fear
about lightning
because it is just a
passing collision of
clarity. Beautiful -

But I can fear the sun
with its everlasting shine
though its touch
is a delicate warm. The sun, she
forever above
a glare that blinds and
sometimes burns
red lines on my

I am in love with the moon
yet i am only
in love with a reflection
tainted by the
everlasting shine
as it shares the
inevitable light
the moon greedily

The new moon sometimes seem
so much better
because I don't need to feel the need
to sit and watch
and I can own the sky.

There is nothing I fear
about lighting
but the blinding light
of a forever sun
is a risk that will
always burn in my mind.


there are memories that i'd handpick
and capture for your keep
but they are the ones
that linger in between our fingers
free and full to the brim

and i will not taint
an ever glowing shine
to temporarily ease
an ever lasting pain

i am in a state of mind
that holds heavy and bold
yet hollow in the middle
and you are the only touch i need
to fill up the cracks
with a substance so fluorescent
to pull me together
when i feel i am disintegrating

there are things we lose
in a natural disaster
that will never be replaced
but where there is ruin
there will always be hope
of a day the aftermath will
blow away

and i began to believe
my light had scorched dry
but this is the part where
my hurricanesdroughtsquakesfloods
take flight
because despite of certain holes in me
that can no longer be filled -
you are now here

i am in a state of mind
that holds nothing
but i have seen my aftermath blow away
and you are the only one
who can whisper away my nightmares
and recapture my dreams

black shapes

it is always a curse i have faced
when i create something beautiful
from the seam of memories
and meet with a tangle of tight
immovable knots that clog and

it began when i left myself out to dry
because i admired the sun
until i charred into ashes and
disappeared into the wind.

he is the sky to which i turn up to
seeking a newfound solace and
tiny places where i can mend the cracks
inside my body
because he is teaching me to not fear
and i feign an everlasting beauty
that never darkens over time
because i don't want him to ever be
the reason to which i cry.

my expectations have always been
and strayed.

i have always been good at controlling my emotions
and feeling the greener grass beneath my feet
never sensing the effect of anything taking a stab at my heart
- i was my strongest shield.

but one day the world tore apart
and burnt me numb until i was as broken to the core
as the world around me in its aftermath.

i have tried time after time after
the longest time
to regain what i've lost
all my strength all my ground all my -
but it is pure, blatant truth
that after all my angsty urges to
be free
i am still a girl who fears to sleep without cover.

it is time they should know
how every little thing that goes wrong
will send me
spiralling into the dark and
screaming for an outlet
and i will feel myself ticking like explosion
as i unravel into insanity
and turning inside out
like i always do
when i feel my heart
excreting a dark, dirty emotion i try so hard to forget
but always find a way to conjure it up
all by myself
like fucking suicide.


cold. ugly. familiar.