take suicide

i confess on the many times i 
drop and tremble; the 4am behaviour when
i don't know who i am.
i confess with the things i say, knowing 
what goes around comes around but 
never caring -
until they did not
reach out when i 
cried out
for somebody.

i confess to what i wish 
i could've done but
never do - i never wanted a purpose;
wheredoigetit?howdoigetit?when?what?
bloodystupidquestions;
too much.
i try a little indifference
but my whole world is
turning a different page

i am - liberated - 
               now, somehow.

i confess on lies i tell and deceitful actions.
my alter ego, the one i hate
but am
ninetyninepercentofmylife.

& the one percent i am -
unknown.

i confess on sifted reasons &
excuses;
i was cabaret when i should be slow waltz;
but nobody fucking told me i was doing it all wrong.
i confess on the hurt i inflicted on him
oh, him.
i confess i did love
but was
toodamnscared to accept it.

i confess on my fight against
myself and what's right,
always on a road
i never know the street name by
no dead ends to fucking tell me i took the wrong turn.

& now i confess i
give up

& now -

i crash.