suction

sitting with my back bent backwards
and legs unfolded
i shy away from uncanny stares and
shed tears through my fingertips
cold and numb from the oozing out of 
my blood which i cannot seem to recognize no longer
no longer

i tear out my eyelashes
and kiss them senseless
a kiss per wish
a wish per pluck
until i run out of ways to believe
that dreams can actually come true

; i turn ugly
fucking ugly

i comb my hair with
razor blades and fork splinters
just to get the color right
to save myself from 
dying
and they wonder why kids don't want to care
but never bother to ever ask

i look on for sunny rainbows
without a reason other than - just because
and i'm struck by lightning
and cursed for life


just because


lying vertical
without truths to why my neck feels
oddly out of place
nor why my feet can't touch the ground which
i so badly wanted to escape from
- perhaps i
just didn't have time
to figure myself out
and decided to

evaluate.