at a dead stop,
when your mind is completely out of phase with your body -
that is when you listen hard because their voices are clear.
non-existential like traffic hum we learn to block out,
the nothingness that drives a man crazy when he hears it all.
i don’t need much;
the shimmer at the dent of young eyes, that is all i need.
the purple sky chokes, holding back
the cold dribbles of what i feel,
its hues cushion me from nights that glare
like the peacock feathers hanging by the window
all-seeing and sure.
that this lack of will to live in a world that has forgotten
to live with me
isn’t always there like backdrop
is the biggest lie one can ever make.
platonic to the currents that exhume the dirt of our minds
is to know, want, need, see, feel, taste, smell, hear everything,
even when one has fallen from their grace.
crisp and loud in my breath
catching my surprise like loose scabs.
everything tastes like iron and
like i am face down once again.
i am dead.
we are all dead.
the cab drivers, shopkeepers, regular faces from a world i continuously lie to with my
how many things a long-sleeved kaftan can hide
and the fall of hair onto the soft of
the ground below my feet is treacherous, seeping poison
into my veins, like i am a dying plant.
my legs are numb and my insides purge out.
my static body, and i pretend
everything is timeless, like the rage of the sea.
an all-encompassing epiphany of a storm,
telling me i should’ve
done myself in better;
what was the point of it all
if my death was walked in on
and i am still here forking away
at a bowl full of panic attacks
are all in stagnant, angry pain.
and the ones who stay to live,
tired and tried with the knowledge that
the finality of a second time
will destroy the ones they love - again,
these ones are under
unbearable weight that come in
large, unforgiving waves.
too many times for my liking
and i am starting to believe the reflections i see,
afloat on the surface like black stones in the moonlight;
and become one of them,
non-existent when the dark washes over.
every shadow cast,
every dusk and dawn,
every blink of the eye,
i can take it all.