lava coursing through my veins
like fiery avalanche
i am splitting apart
from the inside out
you can see it by the way my fingers clench
and tremble every time i close my eyes
i rage mountains
sea of torment in the full of my mind
where dreams once painted
a longingly blue sky
you are so desperately trying to
hold between your fingers
because you are determined to keep me shining.

it is times like these
when i try to breathe you in
but i am getting in all the wrong signals
when i scatter into frantic
helpless pieces
and i feel unworthy of attachment
to every morsel
of a world that detaches from every morsel
of me.

i feel violent inside
a suicidal tendency tickles beneath my skin
as i reach towards the dark
when the light begins to
hurt my eyes.

i blame myself over & over
as wish for the pain to bury under
like secrets that will soon be forgotten
in the mind of the world.

he dreams my dreams

it is a memory living within me
with permanence
the dangling smell of white, musky passion
clinging to the curve of his neck
the sharp of his collarbone beneath my cheeks
as i drift
into a sky of peace that reside
deep in his eyes
i venture into his soul
and find mine
complete and alive with
a thousand dreams that communicate to
the fall of his eyelashes as he
sleeps. a sound of a thousand angels
soaring towards the shine of summer

when i will quiver with a certain
sense of misdirection
i can breathe him in
from the air around me
knowing he is here
and though we are divided
through skylines of a thousand lives
he is always there watching the moon
shining down on him
knowing it is also
shining down on me


I have never cowered
under the trails of intolerable lightnings
that failed to shake me skin tight
with every outbound shriek and
every bare flash of jagged white,
yet i have tasted the prickle of
scraping the back of my tongue
like inverse cartharsis
as i ripped inside out trying
to bury away
colliding upon every self-conjured nightmare
along the way, because this time around
the shrieks forced in -
no flashes of white to
taint the explosion
with beauty.

the days begin to blend
a blur of memories
from a clutter of broken pieces
left broken,
and an equal portion
attempting to heal.
But as things turn grey and
harder around the center,
pain is no longer
until all that is left is

"i'm just fucking suffocating, you know?"

the skies used to tear apart
around the blues
to rain on me a future
vivid and bright,
but now it hurts to think,
now it hurts to write
and the skies scare the living shit out of me.

i am so tired. so resigned.

i have a strong arm to lean upon
he is a haven where my heart of injury
stays safe
but i am still facing the insecurities
of turning away from promises
shutting away my thoughts and
running away from reality
yet i try my best to show the strength
of all the love i can flourish
in the midst of the hurricane.

like when i rage wars with a mother
but fear when her breath slows to
a mute echo
as she sleeps -
I am my million contradictions
but i know i now feel.

my tears have stained dry
with pages and pages of despair
and i try
to flush away my reminiscence
black pain.

my lungs are clogging up
with words i wish i could utter
but fear the sound of them
on the weight of my lip
words i try to smother down
with kisses of hope
urgent distractions

all i want to do
is just to break
into a pile of bones
and cry. and cry. and cry.
and wish i can one day open up.

i don't know what to do. i love you. i don't know what i am doing.
i still hurt. i don't know who i am and
can't remember who i was.
i am weak.




cold space, tight like knives.

scrape. grip. scrape. clench
losing grip.

and it stretches into my soul
- rip.


slither, slither
(into me and) stretch. rip.

black stare; blank like death.
freeze. shudder. squeeze. mutter
-incoherent words
they freeze down my throat
like an avalanche.



my mind collapses.
i am not free.


i wonder if you find the missing piece
like i do
in the urgency of our kisses
and wonder if you notice my
when i hold onto your arm
like a twig in a gush of
flood and i shift closer to you
when you are asleep
because i don't ever want
to find your skin
i still face nightmares
of you
walking away
though you caress
the plains of my body with a
heartbreaking glance
and your
beautiful smile
and it is the most complete i feel
when i whisper to you
that you are the colors
of the rainbow
that fell from the sky
and into my dreams.
and you look into my eyes
and whisper back
that i am your rainbow.