when beautiful things attack

these thick, heavy emotions

i can swallow back like

unwanted phlegm.

I feel it lingering at the back of my throat

just above my chest

above that horrible

horrible thudding

beast,

I will not let it find these emotions

I will not let it

rip

me

apart

becauseIhaveemotions.

I cannot. Swallow

swallow

don't say the words

I need you to keep me sane.

I need to stay insane to not need you

I cannot need you

because I cannot hurt you

I cannot want you

because I don't want to dig

bigger holes within me.