electric

through the tip of my eyelashes i caught

a different you and

a different me

naming our children and painting a future that

never existed.through the tip of my eyelashes i caught

a memory that took away

my breathing and left me curled in trying to use my skin to cover

every gaping hole i could feel inside me.

there are certain chairs i avoid in the cafe and i turn away

from people who speak like you

i have not ridden a bike since

you

and i don't want to because the space

is too small for me to find a position that does not

feel like

you

i still freeze when i see -

there are hours in a day

i keep for myself because

there are people who try to pull me out of

this & i can't stand the cold rush of fresh

air it is like wind pulling at loose skin,

ripping it further and making it

bleed

i cannot look people in the eye because the

reflection disgusts me

in the midst of a thunderstorm she cowered at lightning

beside me but i merely laughed because things that can kill

thrill me more.i heard once that brains could

fry and leave a person thoughtless

so i walked out into the rain

singing a favourite song

hoping to be struck by bliss.