seclude

i suffocate so easily these days

it is no longer a challenge to

fight it

i am defeated, beat, crushed, trashed, fucked.

it seems like every thing i say is never heard and i am desperately trying to 

get people to understand the aches in my heart in my body that i can't seem 

to figure out

but so far everyone failed me

like i failed myself

i want to be able to smile without feeling like it will hit back with a tear 

at the end of the day but somehow my instincts towards bad things are always 

right and i end up screaming at myself every single fucking night i am 

clawing out but so far

nothing breaks except for me

i repeat over and over things that i am sure of but somehow the uncertain 

responses make me so frustrated i am unsure anymore of the one thing i 

thought i could believe in

there, i don't even know what the fuck i was talking about

it is like a million 365 worries a day a year crushed in my head and someone 

turned on a switch that dropped the weight onto my heart without any 

resistance without any reason for me to cling on to when i burst into tears 

and cannot give explanations for them

and so far it just gets worse