Release

there is a time and place for
everything, they tell us,
because the situations we create
do not always end the way we
expect, and they will
forever be changing;
forever rearranging,
for we live in a world full of
snap-of-my-finger moments
and minds we cannot read.

because in this world,
a constant is hard to find.

yet as i lie here,
in a bed full of
comforting warmth and
sheets that smell
of us,
holding you in my arms
as we try to
squeeze the pain away,
i tell myself with a smile that
i can be this way, doing exactly
what we do,
every millisecond of every day,
because there is no need for
a time and place
to feel my heart
try to beat stronger
for the both of us.

because in our world,
you are my constant.

there is a time and place,
they say,
for certain emotions to let loose,
but i find myself
unmasking and baring all of me
to you,
and i am not afraid
of being afraid around you
because i know you see right through
the flaws, finding the constant
of strength
i try to hold onto
for you.

there is a time and place for
everything, they tell us,
but there is no need for
time nor place
in my horizons of you,
because you are my home
and i find
everlasting, neverending, overwhelming, timeless joy
spinning me towards beautiful eternity
when i shut the windows,
turn off the lights,
close my eyes,


and live in you.

3

we carry on the seal of our lips
the string of a many unspoken
meanings
that caress the stress of
our minds as we
spark every molecule that
resonate and collide
on the smooth of our palms when
they touch

we hold in our hearts
every beat that creates itself
for us

in circular motions, our emotions
they revolve and
recur

the rise and fall, they will continue to
shape us and shade our colours
until we are running in parallels
at full speed

we hold in the palm of
all that is us
eternity
and all that shines with it.

the rise of your horizon

and the way you
touch me with your glance
and understand me with
your smile
because you catch every breath
and every whisper i
drop into your soul.

and the way we held onto each other
and left secrets on the
soft of our skin and
i caught the hurt and disbelief
in the damp of your eyes
when you held my pain and all its weight
in the palm of your hands
before i took it back
because it is never yours to bear.

and the way i stared galaxies deep
into the center of you
as you plucked out my insecurities
and showed me it is never wrong
to dare to believe it
when you tell me i am beautiful
as you kiss my tears of
indescribable joy

and the way in that one moment
as we capture the still
of our thoughts
and share a smile -
i transmit a million emotions to you
knowing you can hear them and feel
what i feel.

the line was drawn

these are the nights i can never escape from
when the memories
revisit, looming like
overcast
they shade my thoughts and
shake my euphoria,

i rip apart
within seconds
and the wounds reopen
profound and jagged like
naked branches against
a pearly white sky
surfacing from beneath my skin
to the edges of my mind -

the warmth disappears
as i spiral downwards
through my claustrophobic timewarp
taking me to the familiar places
i have tried to bury under my hindsight.

there will always be
inside me
a coldness i can never set fire to

because where there is light,
there will always,
always,
be shadows at my feet.

fused currents

there are blades that slit
into the fracturing blinds of my gut
and bleed a million cells of
blackening flashbacks;
sick, rotting insecurities;
decaying self belief
and fear.
 
i try to place sections of my mind
in shades of luminous dormancy
yet there are days where all is dark;
the trigger pulls upon the thoughts
that hold the weight of a should-be-forgotten ache.
wretched as it tears and
stretches and stretches and stretches and stretches
stretching until i am nothing but a 
gaping hole,
breathless and bare.
 
these are the days i refuse to
react with the world
because i revisit
a weaker self
with eyes of the soulless,
 
these are the days i need to never 
thrust upon you.
 
because you show me the colours of
so much more
within the black hues of my shading.
 
 
i will try to be the strength in my battles
because i am tired of losing to emotions like these.

i can hear them flutter

i sit and light my cigarette
losing count of how many times i have
left and returned
to this poem because
nothing can quite explain to me
the way our silences
accentuate our emotions
and we drift without a sound
in timeless passing
as we share a thought
and understand.

it is one of those easy nights
strewn across the sheets
and musky air of our linger
as we talk about nothings
and everythings while you roll
cigarettes on the curve of my thigh
and we giggle through our inside jokes
about stomach aliens and invisible puppy tails
and we don't find the urge
to say the words
because they are written in
every breath
every moment we look into each other
and share a knowing smile
until everything stands still
as we lose ourselves from venturing deep
into your soul
my soul
souls that prance their way
into the atmosphere until they
intertwine
and meet in the spaces between our skin
thoughts
words
breath.

i could be
in a million beautiful places
i could be the foreigner
braving the throngs of wilderness
but i no longer find the need
to run with the nightmares
and seek through the estranged
because i have found home
and with it all of me,
right here in the simplest of places

in the shine of your eyes.

fold

slow down
compose
exhale

it is one of those nights
when my thoughts sober down
to a melancholic drawl

i am reminded of my thousand flaws
and inflictions through time
and realize a surging sanity
that i miscontrue for madness

i cannot promise my greatness
when i am still facing
the jagged shards of
a once weak and broken down
me

but i still aim to
cross through the storm
knowing there is sunshine
clotted behind the clouds

and in all fairness
i have to admit
i enjoy a little bit of rain
sometimes

float

the way we speak in silence through a thousand emotions exploding in the atmosphere that is the beauty of us and all that grows and expands when we move together in unison as our chests press together until we share the same heartbeat and i can feel your thoughts pouring into my mind and the way you stay long after we come together because we are connected from the inside out and we read each other's thoughts with our actions like when i bite your shoulder because you were thinking it and you seal your lips to my forehead because my thoughts are wandering and i need them to rest beside you and we teach each other how to find ourselves again -

our emotions erupt and churn like
volcanoes and waterfalls and
every beautiful collisions of nature.

you open me up like
a sacred operation of the heart,
uncovering the different shades of
pain and colossal euphoria
as you put the pieces
where they fit,
embracing the whole of me
and in turn
the whole of you.

i love it when you call me beautiful
because i can believe it.

the choral whispers, they
make me shiver. they
live in my mind,
surrounding my senses
like the entities of your soul.

i hold your touch on my skin
where everything seems
familiar enough
as i fly forward into the unknown.

the choral whispers, they sing.
they sing for me.
they sing for you.

espoir

it is the wink of beauty
captured in this moment
which echoes our dreams in such a way
i feel time trickle too fast
every time we touch
so i find myself panicking
when i imagine
waking up to the past of
a make-believe reality that will
lose the tangibility of you
and all that came
with you

everything is so real
yet flamboyant with
non-existent colours
that paint my thousand overflowing emotions
i feel like i am
losing grip
of all i wish to hold constant
so i pause for a while to step back and
catch my breath in wonderment
of the magnificence
of the view
of you

A butterfly's kiss

there are intangible things that explode
with our emotions,
like the shudder of a heartbeat
skipping to the electric of our touch,
as we strip our thoughts
and lay them onto the bare night sky.

you remind me of the euphoria
we can reach without
going through the extents of
searching for it,
because happiness
will always fall into our arms
when we least expect it to.

as my mind rose and fell in the dark,
you plucked in me a chord of
collision
and shone through me
like a thousand whispering stars,
hidden behind the coat of a storm
that will now never approach my feet.

i was so sure i was centered
until the graze of your glance.

you are the wrong turn i took
on my mapped out journey,
yet somehow,
i am here, in all the right places,
facing all the right directions,
exactly where i've always wanted to be.