fused currents

there are blades that slit
into the fracturing blinds of my gut
and bleed a million cells of
blackening flashbacks;
sick, rotting insecurities;
decaying self belief
and fear.
 
i try to place sections of my mind
in shades of luminous dormancy
yet there are days where all is dark;
the trigger pulls upon the thoughts
that hold the weight of a should-be-forgotten ache.
wretched as it tears and
stretches and stretches and stretches and stretches
stretching until i am nothing but a 
gaping hole,
breathless and bare.
 
these are the days i refuse to
react with the world
because i revisit
a weaker self
with eyes of the soulless,
 
these are the days i need to never 
thrust upon you.
 
because you show me the colours of
so much more
within the black hues of my shading.
 
 
i will try to be the strength in my battles
because i am tired of losing to emotions like these.