negativity

'i don't see any hope left for us' he sliced the words

across my heart and

i wanted to ask him if he still loved me

so i could say 'if there's still love,

there's still hope'

but i took a turn and ended up

crying tearless cries croaking

'please don't leave me' down the

phone line

--

i used to have him

around my finger

and never realized how deeply i 

fell for him

while doing so; his twisting away now

makes me want to twist myself around him

and

never let go

don't, don't, you promised

don't.

--

i spend my days scraping pain 

into my head - i don't do it intentionally

there are just too many things

going wrong like

the way my mother gets weaker every day

and we keep fighting over stupid things but I 

don't care much because my mother will

never leave me - no

i am so fucking selfish.

but him and i, we can't fight

the fights we have on a daily basis 

because he's willing to

let go of all the 

sacrifices we made to

make us who we are

i need him to blow on the wounds i

filtered from the weight of 

my father's authority

and those are just a few

recurring examples of my

calamities

--

and this is why i can't breath

why my heart is pounding too fast

why my words come out desperate and

senseless; full of needing him

because

in plain truth,

i really do.