applause

I catch myself conjuring reasons for

days ending too painstakingly sudden and

beginning before I am ready to face

another life. I cross out dates on my calendar

without really moving forward, running out of time and

living on procrastination until I am

sorting out yesterdays during tomorrows.

yesterday 

yesterday 

yesterday I lost my future.

I am alone under spotlights 

and reality shines down,

projecting beside me, the million smithereens

of imperfections contaminating my 

every intake

breathbreathbreath

choke

sometimes I just want to be the one backstage;

in control of everything and 

away from it all

for I am losing all perspective

when I am center stage and the lights are blinding.