with a buzz in my ears, i fall

i train myself to decipher
where the stars divide
on the black core of the night,
to piece together the fallen ends
of a clouded sky.

i see myself in a faded mirror
spotted and corrupt,
and try to decipher where the emotions
divide in the black core
of me.

i am standing on the edge of
the sea of my thoughts
and imagine the world is flat;
will i ever find the absolution of my life?

there are shadows on the wall
and i pretend i am them, ready
to shift or entirely
disappear
when the earth shifts
and the hues of the day morph.

i listen to painfully beautiful songs
and i pretend i am the one
they are singing for
even though i am a speck of dust
on the face of the world.

and you can see it in my eyes
like familiarity,
the sight of a soul
calling for the night,
calling for the dead,
because living is starting to feel foreign -

a vast abyss i cannot stand
falling in for eternity.

there is a taste in my mouth
that i cannot form into words
so i swallow
and i swallow
and i swallow

until i can no longer taste
until it becomes a part of me.