sore

i hugged a stranger
during a street carnival
because a man with eyes like the moon
told me it was destiny
he gave me a pebble of hope
which i stuck down my throat
and prayed for it to at least
taste good
because destiny so far has only
ruined it for me

my body aches from
hours and
days and hoursminutesdayshoursminutesdays of
secret whiskey
and pounding music
to numb it all
to numb it all
and i will pretend i hate it all
when i wake up
when really
i hate being at a point when
life pivots back to planning my next stumble

i will pretend i hate long nights forgetting who i am
and wonder how the cigarette burn on my wrist got there

i am aching from
clenched muscles, curled in and
shuddering in my sleep
tight-roped
tight-skinned
tight-minded
i am exploding

i am clawing away from the hurricane that drove through
the middle of my chest
and i pray to an empty sky
like there is somebody there
to save me