Three Cigarettes

i get scared. my lungs

clog up

and i forget how to breath

for a second.

moments when i wake from

hiding the small of you

and your inflictions that taste

permanent

pretending i am finally

finally

finally-

it all aches again

i forget to look at the time

because the date looks

foreign

and unexpected.

knowing everything is moving fast

whilst i am too slow

is no comfort,

reminding me again

of how i have forgotten

how to press play

after i had paused

at the scary part

to refrain from screaming.

it hurts to see new faces

replace what was once-

it hurts to see everything

go

but i.

me and my forever memories.

it was like somebody else

tried to move on for me,

branching out a whole new world

before my eyes

when i still had them shut,

to hide

to protect myself from

the accidental babies of my mind

that will never grow me

a new life.