mother

there are things i wished i could've done

at a time when i was much stronger

than this

like hug you

and say you are the most

i have ever been given

and the fights were only lessons

to learn from.

but i am now at the peak of falling

and i

do not have the guts, i stutter

trying to say i care

and i really, really, really

hate

myself for all the moments you spend alone

aching over my words

because i know how it feels

aching over yours.

i was, in your eyes,

as precious as my favourite home-made soup

you'd make when you had enough strength

but you are, in my eyes,

- though i may never dare

to tell you this -

golden.

like every breath you take

when you are sleeping soundly

because i am safe beside you

watching.