clean air

my ribs ache with a certain pseudo
an unseen pain that engulfs me
and blinds me from every other
pounding.slicing.tightening pain
i feel
when i am physically fine -

but i am never physically fine, really,
my mental state
a solid block of weight
heavy.
heavy.
heavy.

i clench my fists and hold my breath
wondering what has happened.
these minutes, precious minutes
when i wake up and see a life
i no longer recognize -
yet live it anyway

for there are no other reasons
for me to
fall back to.

it is this realization
as clear, as stark as
an afternoon sky burning me dry
that pulls me back to the rest of the hours
when i am consumed in a self-created
slumber where everything just...

goes.

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