broken promises to self

it has now been 225 days
of remembering the numbers
the alphabets, the full name,
his full name,
the dates, the places, the moments
when everything felt right
when everything was, in fact,
wrong
since the start.

225 days of midnight consciousness
where i crawl back in to hide
from you, the pain and the unwanted thoughts of -

it is now 225 days from the day i realized i will
have to learn to live with
broken pieces of a strength
once mine, now tattered
and briskly patched together.

i still spend every pending day retrieving
shards of a broken heart i shattered and
threw to the world like ashes of
a loved one

because it was a precious loss
i couldn't stand to keep inside me

it has now been 225 days
of avoiding certain places, people
lyrics of a song

because things are just different now,
simply said.

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