everything is clear

you know things have changed

when you forget to look in the mirror

when you have to take pills

when you take a drag and

don't really care about saying 'fuck'

in front of your mother, it's never the same the way

i wake up in the mornings

not from sleep but

clogged spots in my mind

tainted

where you once dotted with red ink and

carved your name on my brain

like aboriginal art

you i was maybe

perhaps

could

but never will

i try to stay in a place

where time does not exist

for time is an illusion, they

tell me

so i try to make it stop

but i find myself skipping the parts

i wish to be in

life is drifting away like

seaweeds from a shore

and i'm following through

drowning

spluttering like

a helpless piece of

nothing

i sneeze a little louder but still

nobody hears me

i am getting old

i am getting deaf

i am getting blind

i am getting dumb

because i forget how to speak

and i don't see beauty

because i forget how to smile

and i forget how to feel

sun burns

dragon flies

heart breaks

i dream graphic dreams like head splattered on

car windows and splinters in your eyes

and they wonder why i do not sleep

those ignorant, innocent, happy fuckers

there was a time and a place where you had held

my life in the palm of your hands

and there was a time and a place

where you dropped me

and it's an abyss of which i can

never stop falling

so i try to space myself away from

physicality

and tear my soul apart like

how i did your love letters and photos

and movie tickets and your smell your memories

your life your life

i divide uneven proportions of myself

so perhaps when illusion breaks away and

i hit the bottom

it wouldn't hurt as much

for i'd already be broken.