such a drug

there are certain things i have noticed since;
like how roads i found beautiful are now
just roads
and they sometimes scare me because i am reminded
of accidents and
abandonned bodies and lightning is so much prettier
on the palm of my hand than
in photographs

sometimes i forget to breath and have to
remind myself it is okay to
live a little while longer
because something on the other side is
pulling my curiosity
i think Ian Curtis and i could be good friends
when i kiss a boy i no longer feel
sweet but like expired products so
sour and wasted because i
kiss lips and dream of tobacco
seeping between my teeth into my lungs
because a body of deterioration only consumes
what's bad for it

there are certain things i cannot chase after
now like seven shooting stars
that left empty handed
because i had nothing in me to
wish for
and time
i can never stop time
so i
watch the skies turn brighter hoping for another shooting star because
i wish for a while
i had pushed myself deeper into sleep
so i never had to wake
to another day of figuring out
who i am

but reality
is always about what's too late and
out of reach