which way is it

these are personal shadows
formed by flashing weights
above my eyelids;
heavy and half-open,
as i slide into a netherworld
to stop the pain from seeping in
and dive through my layers of emotion
escaping light.

i have been accustomed to
the sense of black for
far too long
caught up in the dark like an
addiction
and i am numb to
every motion around me
except those that remind me of you
and every pain we have plucked out
to keep for the future -

- now.

those bright lights
blinding my sanity
drowning my thoughts
until i can no longer
say i am feeling alright.

my permanence is what drains me.