les yeux qui manquent

i can take it all.

the silent glares

from the other side of the room.

white emotion.

her laughter as she talks

of demise,

churning sorrow in my gut.

i can take saying nothing back

and nodding with habit

for my troubles need less

attention.

i can take the way his shoulder stills

like windless nights

and life is a silhouette.

my words always sound different 

when they wander out.

i can take the alternate reality

she lives in,

i have spent 18 years in it

the anger

when we disagree.

the conversations that carry on in my mind

because it cannot carry on aloud.

i can take making sense of everybody’s thoughts alone.

i can take every time i am reminded

of the things i forget. 

i can take hearing i do not want to take care of my mother.

i can take hearing i do not understand.

i don’t mind lies.

they remind me of what is real.

i am running out of money.

i am ill. 

i’m fine.

i can take it all.

but sooner or later,

we have to let things go.

let it in.

let it out.