her day.

today, i miss you

not for your significance worth celebrating

but the outcome of today filled with

insignificance,

where you are hiding in the dark

and i cannot reach you.

i did not reach you,

and though there is a deliberate motif 

in this new reluctance,

i refuse to feel guilty anymore

for being too exhausted to try

because no guilt or regret

can make the dim light surrounding you

shine any brighter.

but it does not stop the sadness from washing in.

it is a reality i have to learn

to come to terms with;

this light that surrounds you

is not ours to hold 

for we have long been cast from it,

and no matter how brightly

it shines on certain days of the week,

you will always find a way to 

hide yourself within its shadows

but i cannot walk you into the dark of it any longer.

today, i miss you,

and it is a reality i have to learn

to face,

where we do not live in parallel spaces anymore

so i have to learn to appreciate you more

you in your past, your pained present and whoever you may become.

today, i miss you,

and this will be a new permanence,

but i will forever hold this eternal bond with you

on a mindful pedestal

for though you are slowly

becoming one with the dark,

i will shine my brightest light strong and glorious,

forever in your honor.

in eternal embrace

this dent is the result.

it is the effect from endless churning and

unmindful chaos in dark spaces of my choices.

it whispers to me the weight of the thoughts i aimed so 

carelessly towards a particular point 

in the core of my being,

now shaped to carry and sag;

it whispered so painfully i stopped

and finally listened.

the dent is the result of my self-betrayal

and urges me to push it 

outwards

and release.

release.

there are many ways

to conquer fearlessly,

and bring up a shield against

the waning days that loom over

and taunt; to conquer until their

contours eventually bow to your heavy demise

and let you flourish towards self-healing

in your own time.

courage is beautiful when it rests in the curve of your palm

and the shine of your eyes,

for the world will begin to grow under a brighter light.

i have learnt to understand the fine line

between the merge of everything and nothing,

to choose which side of the line

to ground myself.

i see the world in its entirety.

i caress the skin of each energy that surrounds me,

like a lover, like family, like a friend;

recognising the smooth marble textures of the dim and low that

makes me shiver, to the velvet warmth that glow and

fill me with gracious, all-encompassing joy.

i learn to be wakeful,

under the tired skies of a slumbering season,

embracing the patient, watchful steps i take

alongside time,

guarded at first, until i can find enough momentum

to hold its hand and run with it.

i believe in eternal life

and respect that i will not be able

to see the whole of it through my conscious being, 

in this skin i am wearing.

i let the rest remain a mystery

for the lives after mine to experience

what my innermost subconscious will carry on living

after my mind will have long

unlatched from my tangible state of being.

this is eternal,

but my body is not,

so i will nurture all i have

to grow to their full potential and learn to be wholesome;

to exist in the entirety of my life;

on the fine line between the merge of

everything and nothing

i choose to live with everything,

and exist amongst.

i kiss the light of love

thanking it for its presence

so constant,

in such ever-changing passages

and believe,

that there is a reason 

i have connected with threads i have learnt to tie eternal knots with,

the threads of life i have crossed over, entangled with, 

stretched on, laughed with, cried for,

felt intense emotions of both extremities towards…

what i own within my emotional depth,

is a gift,

so i cherish it dearly

and learn to use it to bring me light,

not shed darkness or

hurt to the subconscious path of my soul,

where all should be effervescent and 

passionately on fire.

for life should be effervescent and

passionately on fire.

always.