it's again time for me to
strip myself naked of all
emotions and believe that
i am
nothing
shit
rubbish
nothing
nothing
nothing
so i can
die for
a while just to pause
my heart from
disintegrating
no matter how long
it takes
i am used to
dying for
lengths of
time
where all i do is
listen to the
hollow of my
heart twisting me outside
in
until i am all but alive
and locked in
mind boxes
except the one speck
in me flying
free that feels
good
about the whole process
knowing i am still capable of
doing things to myself
however bad
the things can be
and i can still
pretend
i am doing this
because i want to and
not
because of you
