no it's not that you don't trust me,
no it's not that you don't care for me,
no it's not that you don't say you love me,
It's just the fact that you never look in my eyes.
It's not the way you say goodbye,
It's not the way you kiss me,
It's not the way you hold me tight,
It's the way you say you're sorry.
It's only fair to judge us now,
it's only fair to watch our steps,
It's only fair to take it cautiously,
It's only fair that I don't love you too much.
When one is hurt, then so is all,
No, I'm not strong enough to take that risk.
It's only fair we have our space,
It's not the fact that I don't want to hold your hand.
Yes, I Did
Just because I didn't ask,
Doesn't mean I didn't care.
There were a many million other ways to show I knew you were there.
I could coax you with a million grasps,
Strangle you with my ten fingers, grace,
If I shot you down, you would've known,
Half a second I knew your presence.
Half a second, I still cared.
Maybe when the moon lights up, that'll be the cue,
Shut up, it's my turn to hurt you,
Will you listen to my silent stare,
please,
when you told the world of your existence,
Not mine; not ever.
A heart-shaped scar I leave upon your chest,
Half a second I still cared.
Just because I didn't kiss you,
Doesn't mean I didn't care.
I could kill the million sun rays,
That shine to make you beautiful,
I'd shove the broken shard of mirror in your face,
And throw away the reflection.
Stop saying I didn't care,
I cared enough to murder your taste.
I cared, half a second,
A drop of blood, I cared.
A stab across the chest doesn't mean I didn't care.
Doesn't mean I didn't care.
There were a many million other ways to show I knew you were there.
I could coax you with a million grasps,
Strangle you with my ten fingers, grace,
If I shot you down, you would've known,
Half a second I knew your presence.
Half a second, I still cared.
Maybe when the moon lights up, that'll be the cue,
Shut up, it's my turn to hurt you,
Will you listen to my silent stare,
please,
when you told the world of your existence,
Not mine; not ever.
A heart-shaped scar I leave upon your chest,
Half a second I still cared.
Just because I didn't kiss you,
Doesn't mean I didn't care.
I could kill the million sun rays,
That shine to make you beautiful,
I'd shove the broken shard of mirror in your face,
And throw away the reflection.
Stop saying I didn't care,
I cared enough to murder your taste.
I cared, half a second,
A drop of blood, I cared.
A stab across the chest doesn't mean I didn't care.
Am I A Romantic?
Am I a romantic?
Well.
I like unexpected kisses,
I love tosses of flowers,
Roses?
And swirl around hugs,
With forehead kisses,
I love to dance to my own time.
Am I a romantic?
I love the melt of chocolate,
I would lie on his chest for hours,
Just following time with the beat of his heart,
I would count the stars,
And fall asleep feeling beautiful.
Am I a romantic lover?
I would write endless cards,
Poems of true love's glance,
I'd send my wishes to stagnant stars,
Without even watching them shoot,
I love romance,
Sitting on beaches from sunset to rise.
I'd reenact Spiderman's kiss,
Am I a romantic?
If he held my hand,
under the pouring rain,
I'd sway with him,
And hold him tight when the freeze of the wind,
Binds us as one.
Am I a romantic?
Well.
Let's just say I live in a dream.
Well.
I like unexpected kisses,
I love tosses of flowers,
Roses?
And swirl around hugs,
With forehead kisses,
I love to dance to my own time.
Am I a romantic?
I love the melt of chocolate,
I would lie on his chest for hours,
Just following time with the beat of his heart,
I would count the stars,
And fall asleep feeling beautiful.
Am I a romantic lover?
I would write endless cards,
Poems of true love's glance,
I'd send my wishes to stagnant stars,
Without even watching them shoot,
I love romance,
Sitting on beaches from sunset to rise.
I'd reenact Spiderman's kiss,
Am I a romantic?
If he held my hand,
under the pouring rain,
I'd sway with him,
And hold him tight when the freeze of the wind,
Binds us as one.
Am I a romantic?
Well.
Let's just say I live in a dream.
Her Heaven
with eyelids shut,
will spaces fade?
please help me send me to that special place
do i yearn for seconds with her again
Mama have you seen endless spring
Where gardens bloom with eternal grace
God, pray you send me to my mother's side
Lift me up when I dream tonight
Of places sweet,
and smells of kitchen,
a mother's love,
savagely taken,
god, pray you send me to my mother's side,
heaven's existence I seek for tonight.
Five years since her presence was confined.
Why did people make heaven so far,
Too far to reach but so closely felt,
When the space between loved ones expands to nothing;
Are they afraid of dying?
Do they fear the forsaken coffins?
But mama, aren't you smiling?
on your journey of infinite days.
Up in an area of bliss,
Where blood can claim no hatred,
God can share his personal stories by the streams,
Mama, does he have a family?
Oh, how I wish to see the place,
of reeling love and faith,
where butterflies are born with the wisp of wind,
and flowers made to sing.
Oh, how I wish to banish the emptiness between mama and me.
The hollow breaths, it's seemingly cold,
five years since mama said goodnight,
space is nothing more of a narrow street,
where angels live to die,
an imaginary line that binds two beings,
far apart just inches away.
Is heaven as sweet as you made it, mama?
Did it grow to how you please?
Are there mirrors that show off inner beauty,
And rivers that cleanses sins?
Is there a seat beside you mama,
Is it saved for me?
With eyelids shut, will spaces fade?
I think my time will come.
will spaces fade?
please help me send me to that special place
do i yearn for seconds with her again
Mama have you seen endless spring
Where gardens bloom with eternal grace
God, pray you send me to my mother's side
Lift me up when I dream tonight
Of places sweet,
and smells of kitchen,
a mother's love,
savagely taken,
god, pray you send me to my mother's side,
heaven's existence I seek for tonight.
Five years since her presence was confined.
Why did people make heaven so far,
Too far to reach but so closely felt,
When the space between loved ones expands to nothing;
Are they afraid of dying?
Do they fear the forsaken coffins?
But mama, aren't you smiling?
on your journey of infinite days.
Up in an area of bliss,
Where blood can claim no hatred,
God can share his personal stories by the streams,
Mama, does he have a family?
Oh, how I wish to see the place,
of reeling love and faith,
where butterflies are born with the wisp of wind,
and flowers made to sing.
Oh, how I wish to banish the emptiness between mama and me.
The hollow breaths, it's seemingly cold,
five years since mama said goodnight,
space is nothing more of a narrow street,
where angels live to die,
an imaginary line that binds two beings,
far apart just inches away.
Is heaven as sweet as you made it, mama?
Did it grow to how you please?
Are there mirrors that show off inner beauty,
And rivers that cleanses sins?
Is there a seat beside you mama,
Is it saved for me?
With eyelids shut, will spaces fade?
I think my time will come.
Watching Mom
I felt that same old,
same old feeling, emotion,
cursing my senses,
As I watched her struggle to sleep,
Once again, I watched her roll around in vain,
Listened to her weary breathing,
Complaining about her aching legs,
So thin, so fragile,
Could they break?
I could only hear myself,
Whispering, praying,
over and over,
"She's not dying"
"She's not dying"
"She's not dying"
With that desperate,
desperate reassurance,
I couldn't quite find.
I realize I was hoping.
It's not just tonight,
She couldn't get her sleep,
It's not just tonight,
She lost her breath.
Will you promise me, god,
That I won't come home one day,
To find my mama dead?
It's painful to see her so weak, you know,
She was never like this before,
How many days, I couldn't help but wonder,
How many days have I made her smile?
Has she smiled more than she's shout?
Will I miss the chance to say that goodbye?
Will she leave with a reassured smile?
What are you doing?
Why all the morbid thoughts?
She's doing just fine, just fine.
"Ouch" she cries, and touches her leg,
Crucially, I forced not to cry.
"Mommy, are you okay?" I asked,
Knowing very well what the answer was,
My mother could only sigh,
Deep inside, I hoped she knew I understood why.
Our happy memories seemed so faint,
And haunting me are our fights.
God, will you ever let me have the peace?
If she dies with me by her side?
If she may leave me here alone,
defenseless to my own cries..
Secretly, once more,
I cried and prayed,
Secretly, once more,
I tried to find,
What else I could do before the time.
I can't deny her greying hair,
I can't deny life's story.
But all I want life to give her,
Is peace and serenity.
Will you promise me, god,
That I won't come home one day,
To find my mama dead?
I want to be with her when the time's ripe,
I want to be there when she says goodbye,
I want to make sure I hear her say goodbye.
And watch her leave with a reassured smile.
same old feeling, emotion,
cursing my senses,
As I watched her struggle to sleep,
Once again, I watched her roll around in vain,
Listened to her weary breathing,
Complaining about her aching legs,
So thin, so fragile,
Could they break?
I could only hear myself,
Whispering, praying,
over and over,
"She's not dying"
"She's not dying"
"She's not dying"
With that desperate,
desperate reassurance,
I couldn't quite find.
I realize I was hoping.
It's not just tonight,
She couldn't get her sleep,
It's not just tonight,
She lost her breath.
Will you promise me, god,
That I won't come home one day,
To find my mama dead?
It's painful to see her so weak, you know,
She was never like this before,
How many days, I couldn't help but wonder,
How many days have I made her smile?
Has she smiled more than she's shout?
Will I miss the chance to say that goodbye?
Will she leave with a reassured smile?
What are you doing?
Why all the morbid thoughts?
She's doing just fine, just fine.
"Ouch" she cries, and touches her leg,
Crucially, I forced not to cry.
"Mommy, are you okay?" I asked,
Knowing very well what the answer was,
My mother could only sigh,
Deep inside, I hoped she knew I understood why.
Our happy memories seemed so faint,
And haunting me are our fights.
God, will you ever let me have the peace?
If she dies with me by her side?
If she may leave me here alone,
defenseless to my own cries..
Secretly, once more,
I cried and prayed,
Secretly, once more,
I tried to find,
What else I could do before the time.
I can't deny her greying hair,
I can't deny life's story.
But all I want life to give her,
Is peace and serenity.
Will you promise me, god,
That I won't come home one day,
To find my mama dead?
I want to be with her when the time's ripe,
I want to be there when she says goodbye,
I want to make sure I hear her say goodbye.
And watch her leave with a reassured smile.
Oh, tie-die, you're dead.
M'am, would you like to play tie-die?
It's a fairly simple game,
Oh, sorry have you never heard of it,
M'am just follow it by its name.
It's quite a well known thing to do,
You see it day by day,
It's the cause of congregation, even for adults,
See, this is how you play.
All you have to do,
Is point your finger at any person,
I've pointed at John, Sally, Paula and Sue,
And just gave a good enough reason,
John, he sat on his mama's cat,
Sally, she stole my candy,
Paula, well, she was the only one there for me to point at,
And Sue, I never liked her anyway.
We have a little treehouse,
With a big enough balcony,
We made a hole on the balcony floor,
And above it we hung a string,
So I'll read out all my friends' wrong-doings,
and place the string around their neck,
M'am, I'm sure you know what happens next,
"Tie-die!" I'll shout, "You're dead!"
Mama said I was a sinner,
But m'am I don't know what's true,
I see it everyday, daddy took me to watch,
It seemed the most normal thing to do,
We cheered like they do,
We roared like they do,
We screamed "let him hang!",
Just the way we thought we should,
M'am can you please explain what wrong we're doing,
Because we really don't have a clue.
It is just a game, isn't it?
M'am why do you look at me that way,
Why are you pointing at me so shocked?
Oh, have you suddenly decided to play,
Well then, come over to watch me drop.
SAM! I've finally been pointed at,
I guess it's my turn to fall,
M'am just state what I've been doing wrong,
M'am no need to look appalled.
What happened to John, Sally, Paula and Sue?
Oh don't worry, they're quite alright,
They're sleeping together beside the stones,
Just over the hill, they lie.
I've always quite missed John a bit,
So it's fun that I'll be with him soon,
Unlike poor Sue, for reasons unsure,
They decided to burn her, too.
Look at me, m'am,
Is the string placed properly?
I want the dramatic exit,
I've seen it replayed many times again,
The more powerful the fall, the more cheering.
So let me get that one applause,
Of finally being part of something right,
M'am why are you weeping,
Listen, Sam's starting the cries,
M'am it's a fairly simple game,
I see it everyday,
Hurry up, m'am, dry up those tears,
Oh, tie-die, I'm dead.
It's a fairly simple game,
Oh, sorry have you never heard of it,
M'am just follow it by its name.
It's quite a well known thing to do,
You see it day by day,
It's the cause of congregation, even for adults,
See, this is how you play.
All you have to do,
Is point your finger at any person,
I've pointed at John, Sally, Paula and Sue,
And just gave a good enough reason,
John, he sat on his mama's cat,
Sally, she stole my candy,
Paula, well, she was the only one there for me to point at,
And Sue, I never liked her anyway.
We have a little treehouse,
With a big enough balcony,
We made a hole on the balcony floor,
And above it we hung a string,
So I'll read out all my friends' wrong-doings,
and place the string around their neck,
M'am, I'm sure you know what happens next,
"Tie-die!" I'll shout, "You're dead!"
Mama said I was a sinner,
But m'am I don't know what's true,
I see it everyday, daddy took me to watch,
It seemed the most normal thing to do,
We cheered like they do,
We roared like they do,
We screamed "let him hang!",
Just the way we thought we should,
M'am can you please explain what wrong we're doing,
Because we really don't have a clue.
It is just a game, isn't it?
M'am why do you look at me that way,
Why are you pointing at me so shocked?
Oh, have you suddenly decided to play,
Well then, come over to watch me drop.
SAM! I've finally been pointed at,
I guess it's my turn to fall,
M'am just state what I've been doing wrong,
M'am no need to look appalled.
What happened to John, Sally, Paula and Sue?
Oh don't worry, they're quite alright,
They're sleeping together beside the stones,
Just over the hill, they lie.
I've always quite missed John a bit,
So it's fun that I'll be with him soon,
Unlike poor Sue, for reasons unsure,
They decided to burn her, too.
Look at me, m'am,
Is the string placed properly?
I want the dramatic exit,
I've seen it replayed many times again,
The more powerful the fall, the more cheering.
So let me get that one applause,
Of finally being part of something right,
M'am why are you weeping,
Listen, Sam's starting the cries,
M'am it's a fairly simple game,
I see it everyday,
Hurry up, m'am, dry up those tears,
Oh, tie-die, I'm dead.
there isn't
Explicit content.
------------------------------------------------------------
to take it all back, like hell i would,
i'll fight the raging sins,
the scars,
that's etched on me like fucking payback.
there is no fucking garden of eden,
where the fuck is the poisonous snake,
it's me,
where the hell is heaven?
heaven. hell?
ha.ha. what's the fucking difference?
there is no fucking point to prove,
where's the rest i've chosen to lose?
there is no happy ending,
there is no sad ending,
there is no fucking ending at all,
there is no fucking way out.
and there's definitely no fucking prince charming.
so don't bother telling me even once that the grass is greener on the other side,
what the fuck is that nonsense,
reality check please, are you still the age of three?
why the fuck am i being so negative?
well why the fuck are you being so optimistic?
why the fuck are you smiling when i'm in bloody tears?
there is no such thing as fucking faking it.
and there's definitely no such thing as falling back in line.
so if there was such thing as a fucking last chance
to take it all back, like hell i would,
I wouldn't even intend to be fucking innocent.
Too Late
swimming in your head,
do i even get the chance to plunge into your head?
are you just too busy looking her way?
are you just too busy being my friend?
what chances are dim,
so low, i couldn't blink,
the tears they fall,
too slow, you can't seem to see,
how i feel.
immortal may be my feelings;
die hard.
i tried and i tried,
are you too oblivious?
a little too late,
i've held a hand of another,
stranger?
do i love him? not as much as,
I know you.
perhaps.
are you just too busy looking her way?
are you just too busy loving her more
than the way we used to laugh,
every night, looking and counting,
the stars in the skies,
will you make it possible?
or will it all diffuse to just another,
just another memory.
love i may feel for both, undecided,
but yours scrape in deeper
and
hurts much more.
do i even get the chance to plunge into your head?
are you just too busy looking her way?
are you just too busy being my friend?
what chances are dim,
so low, i couldn't blink,
the tears they fall,
too slow, you can't seem to see,
how i feel.
immortal may be my feelings;
die hard.
i tried and i tried,
are you too oblivious?
a little too late,
i've held a hand of another,
stranger?
do i love him? not as much as,
I know you.
perhaps.
are you just too busy looking her way?
are you just too busy loving her more
than the way we used to laugh,
every night, looking and counting,
the stars in the skies,
will you make it possible?
or will it all diffuse to just another,
just another memory.
love i may feel for both, undecided,
but yours scrape in deeper
and
hurts much more.
The Alcoholic
Was not of his heart,
Was not of grief,
The cry was made to be deceived,
Consumed in less,
Nothing could stop the momentary,
Solitaire,
It all comes down to this.
What else can you make of such mock fidelity,
Tell your story,
In blotted ink,
Shall we dance to the moonlit dreams?
Forsaken by he who cherished faith,
Disloyal to the heartless graves,
Cans lay disowned on the marble,
Is there time to win the riddle?
Too many years, wasted unlogically,
It's not the matter of death that haunts him,
So he may forget,
But forgive himself, it's impossible,
Was not of his heart,
Was not of grief,
His cry was made to be deceived.
Was not of grief,
The cry was made to be deceived,
Consumed in less,
Nothing could stop the momentary,
Solitaire,
It all comes down to this.
What else can you make of such mock fidelity,
Tell your story,
In blotted ink,
Shall we dance to the moonlit dreams?
Forsaken by he who cherished faith,
Disloyal to the heartless graves,
Cans lay disowned on the marble,
Is there time to win the riddle?
Too many years, wasted unlogically,
It's not the matter of death that haunts him,
So he may forget,
But forgive himself, it's impossible,
Was not of his heart,
Was not of grief,
His cry was made to be deceived.
To You, Dad
Dad, this isn't the usual confession,
Of sorry states and tears,
This isn't about how you've brought me up wrong,
Or have managed to stop my fears,
I know it may not seem the time,
to lay it all out before your eyes,
Now just before you die,
Now just before you die.
I would like to say I'm thankful for,
Every punch,
Every shout,
Every little disagree.
With those, I've gained my courage,
With those, I've gained my pride,
I know how to stand up straight,
And say no to those,
That kill what you are inside,
Your hurting words,
I must say,
Are speeches I now admire,
And your curses, your tantrum,
I have figured out,
You only give to those you love.
Dad, I once hated you,
I admit it,
And I'm sorry for that mistake,
The day you humiliated me,
Was also the day,
You saved me from my friends,
Dad, Johnny's now in prison,
And Christopher is dead,
You were right,
You gave me back my life,
And all I could give you was hate.
I couldn't see what I was doing wrong,
I only knew I was never right,
No matter how I tried,
How I tried,
I was imperfect in your eyes,
You threw glances,
Insults,
No appreciation,
But you were just keeping it inside,
Keeping it inside,
Waiting for me to realize...
You're real proud of me, dad.
The discipline I took for pain,
I thank you for everything,
Dad, it's time you heard this,
I want you to hear it,
Now just before you die,
Now just before you die.
I'm proud to have a father,
Who blended love in fists,
You never told me you loved me,
But I know from the scar above my lip,
You never tucked me in,
But that's okay,
Pampering was never your thing,
I would never be as strong as I am,
If you fed me everyday,
So yes, I guess I love you,
More than I can ever say.
Dad, I guess I'm gonna miss you,
More than I can ever say.
Of sorry states and tears,
This isn't about how you've brought me up wrong,
Or have managed to stop my fears,
I know it may not seem the time,
to lay it all out before your eyes,
Now just before you die,
Now just before you die.
I would like to say I'm thankful for,
Every punch,
Every shout,
Every little disagree.
With those, I've gained my courage,
With those, I've gained my pride,
I know how to stand up straight,
And say no to those,
That kill what you are inside,
Your hurting words,
I must say,
Are speeches I now admire,
And your curses, your tantrum,
I have figured out,
You only give to those you love.
Dad, I once hated you,
I admit it,
And I'm sorry for that mistake,
The day you humiliated me,
Was also the day,
You saved me from my friends,
Dad, Johnny's now in prison,
And Christopher is dead,
You were right,
You gave me back my life,
And all I could give you was hate.
I couldn't see what I was doing wrong,
I only knew I was never right,
No matter how I tried,
How I tried,
I was imperfect in your eyes,
You threw glances,
Insults,
No appreciation,
But you were just keeping it inside,
Keeping it inside,
Waiting for me to realize...
You're real proud of me, dad.
The discipline I took for pain,
I thank you for everything,
Dad, it's time you heard this,
I want you to hear it,
Now just before you die,
Now just before you die.
I'm proud to have a father,
Who blended love in fists,
You never told me you loved me,
But I know from the scar above my lip,
You never tucked me in,
But that's okay,
Pampering was never your thing,
I would never be as strong as I am,
If you fed me everyday,
So yes, I guess I love you,
More than I can ever say.
Dad, I guess I'm gonna miss you,
More than I can ever say.
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