alone with the sky

i am shivering and
trying to avoid the clams under my rib
with every gush of southern wind
as i stretch through the horizons
of a sleeping sky
in search of a calm i cannot feel

i want to stand under a place where
the skies will split
to day and night
because i want to know how it feels
to live in two worlds
and do well, i suppose,
as i am already familiar with
staying awake when half of me is
numb and asleep

i wish for days like these
to never end
when all that haunts me
are the forces around
not thoughts nor memories
but if my present lasts forever
how will i look forward to
finding you
for the future?

moe.

through a veil of dreams
i walk towards the clouds
that spell your name
and whisper your love in the
cold of the wind
an ethereal warmth
like the touch of your skin.

there are days when i panic
from the loss of your smell
but the thought of you burns strength
in the core of my mind
you teach me a million ways
to let go of pain
and i know no matter how far i stray
i will hurt for a while
but carry you in me
in blissful permanence
because you are my

forever.

Distances

i miss the way you bite in your sleep

i miss the way you chew your food

i miss how we would bump into each other in the dark

i miss the way you twist around my body like i am the playground and you are the child

i miss the way i clutch onto the strands of your hair when i sleep on your chest like i am hanging on for dear life

i miss how your laugh is a little loose around the edges when you've had some to drink

i miss the way you kiss my fingers, each and every.

i miss how you would put on a soothing song to send me to sleep though you had to stay up working and bear the toxicating notes of the music

i miss how you always wear your shoes inside the car

i miss it when my laughs turn to hiccups every time you hide your face under anything in reach when you are embarassed

i miss the way you bite my nose

i miss the way you smell

i miss the bubble-pop sound you make with your lips when you're trying to make me giggle - never once failing

i miss the way you'd sometimes not see when i am crying but always know when something is wrong and somehow manage to wipe my tears before they fall

i miss our clumsiness and your forgetfulness, and the surprise you spring on me when you miraculously remember things about me and about us in such fine detail

i miss how you get lazy after scratching my back for a while

i miss the way you come up with little jingles and change song lyrics

i miss the way you love putting your hand under my armpit and i try to stop you

i miss how you never know what you want to eat

i miss how your lips taste like reality, and how that fact sends me reeling when we kiss

i miss the way you would lodge into stories and carry on from one to another, and how i would never, ever get bored of listening

i miss the way you will randomly jerk and shudder when your car window is down and the wind makes your hair tingle on your skin

i miss how you'd try to fit in my clothes or use them as accessories, and the laughter that pursued

i miss wearing your clothes, your boxers, your 'I Am 75% single' shirt

i miss getting annoyed at you and then feeling hopeless when you give me the puppy dog look when you are obviously clueless to what i was annoyed about

i miss forgetting why i got mad at you in the first place

i miss how you make me feel like i have no problems around me when i am with you

i miss arguing over certain contradictory points

i miss the way you'd keep apologising though it is not your fault

i miss teasing you and your attempt to sound smarter just to cover up

i miss how you'd get certain words wrong and stumble over your lines

i miss how you stop me from whining and help me fix my problems

i miss your strength and patience

i miss how you always need to double check the lock on the car

i miss your thousand facial expressions

i miss the way you sulk in the car and twist towards the window just to make me laugh

i miss tying your hair up in different styles and how you are sensitive to when i pull too hard and wince

i miss our movie plots and imaginative stories

i miss your complaints about how you'd make a better prime minister

i miss the way you'd exclaim in shock at your growing stomach

i miss you losing your keys

i miss being there when you get upset

i miss lying on top of you as we talk and listen to music and watch movies in your room

i miss Lost with you, and how i'd feel insulted when you fall asleep watching movies i show you but forget about it after a while

i miss how you'd save me cigarettes and how i'd scold you when you smoke too much

i miss your wide, face-stretching smiles and how they make me love you more

i miss how you remind me i am beautiful when i feel i am not

i miss the way you'd tickle me then panic when i return the favor to you

i miss your comfort

i miss the way i feel safe with you

i miss your breath on my neck and ear

i miss the way i'd scream when there is a cockroach and you'd immediately be there to end my fear

i miss how you are scared of heights

i miss how you'd imitate a million voices and Liyana Jasmay's smoking ad on X.FM

i miss how your skin feels softer on your back than your chest

i miss the way your hair will tickle my nose

i miss the way i'd touch the curve of your smile and you'd smile even wider

i miss the shine in your eyes

i miss your obsession with bread and Planta and strawberry jam

i miss how you'd go "Oh my god, I'm still hungry" after your meal and bury your face in my lap

i miss the way you tell me i will be a good mom because of the way i scold you

i miss us headbanging in the car together

i miss your brown three-quarter pants and how i would tell you to stop wearing it

i miss listening to your voice when you tell me you love me

i miss your love and how time stops when i am with you

i miss saying 'I miss you' knowing i would be seeing you in the next few hours

i miss you and your everything



i love you.

flying

it is a quirk,
missing you;
like the anticipation of a timebomb
the exhaustion of a thousand nights awake
like the way i will walk down the street
thinking of you
and suddenly lose my
sense of direction.

i wander through my thoughts
searching for you
and things that remind me of
your smell
is a memory
your voice the song stuck in the record player
of my mind.

it is a quirk,
missing you;
i am tumbling down
because you are gone
but
rising up with pure joy
because i have found somebody
to so passionately feel this way for,
now.

the other list

I will laugh wholeheartedly
at funny moments that pass me by
to share them with you a little later
so you can
laugh, too.

I will try not to
be a grump
or get angry too often over
the littlest things because
i don't want your comfort to seem
too far away
and i don't want to hurt.

i will learn to drive
and get a license
so one day i can
come home
and drive Sally Bum legally.

I will eat cheese croissants
in the South of France and
think of you
and roti cheese
and every word we have said and meant.

I will smoke different types of
cigarettes
and miss our Winston Lights
and those you'd save up for me
and miss you.

I will fall asleep with your shirt
knowing you are here
and breathe you in when i'm sad
and breathe you in when i'm happy
because the distance will never
stretch us apart

I will wake from nightmares
and try not to cry
because I need to be strong now
without you here to
wipe my tears away.

And I will never forget to go back
to the core of my heart
because there is a precious place there
where I will find
you
and our memories
to keep me going.

Precious

And here we are now,
stood upon far shines of
life's spectrum
calling through the wide, open-
For some familiarity
and solace in the empty spaces
as we sleep and eat and
drive and walk in the rain
and go through our days alone
but not alone.

Here we are now,
hands reaching out into the air
that separates us
and we will somehow touch our way
to each other's hearts and grow strength,
there
as we share the same sky
and learn to love
from the distance.

like golden dust

i have let go of thoughts that
scab and stretch like half-opened wounds
seeing in the distance much more than just
blank spaces in the slur of my mind.

once upon a time
there was a girl who held onto
memories that slayed her
like a thousand blades
crippling her shine with mounds of
suffocation.

i have grown to embrace
that there are still chances
to grasp a bliss that needs no dreaming for
in a reality once broken to me
like when the sight of you
can wash my every pain

because you are to me
the life i once forgot to love
when the clouds tore apart
and shook me into the hurricanes.

i have now learnt
to love myself a little more
than before

because with you
it is like when dust turns
to gold
in the silence of a sunset
and the world is breathless for just a while
as if every soul is sighing
for that second of


absolute beauty.

3.01am

tick
i can't sleep
tock
i can't sleep
tick
i can't sleep
tock
i can't sleep
tick
i can't dream
tock
i can't dream
tick
i can't dream
tock
i can't sleep
tick
i can't sleep
tock
i can't sleep i can't tick dream i can't sleep tock sleep i can't tick dream sleep
i can't sleep
tock
i can't dream
tick
i can't dream
tock
i wake up screaming
tick

tock

tick
help

tock.

for you, my most

it is a thick, musky choke
of unspoken words
adrift in the air
as we stare into each other's worlds
and feel estranged yet
familiar.
we sense our million apologies
under our skin; within every
breath
hush apologies that fall
over things that do not really
matter, now.

we hold in little spaces
colossal dreams and a tender
reality
you will always bring me back to
when i sink beneath surface
- the smell of your hair; your breath,
moist on my neck; my clench
urgent
on the scapes of your body

the way your voice lulls me
out of the closets of my mind.

i feel beautiful when i am
in your arms
like a snowflake you are afraid
of breaking
yet your warmth will always
melt me
into little droplets and i will
float towards the sun;
free & full of shine.

when you balance my name
so carefully on the tip of your lips
you are to me
a life so ethereal
like the horizons
on a skyline
reaching out from beneath.

Marvel

You are a marvel
as we are tangled
in two
your heartbeat against my skin
our bodies
warm with emotion
like summer moist
and dragonflies

You are the strength
I once denied myself
your eyelashes tender
upon my cheek
fluttering
like the butterflies
under my nerves
as you whisper
promising words
that hold life in their wake

You are a reality
born out of mirages
I couldn't reach
and you are
everglowing
like the stars i would pick
out of the sky
just for you.