Precious

And here we are now,
stood upon far shines of
life's spectrum
calling through the wide, open-
For some familiarity
and solace in the empty spaces
as we sleep and eat and
drive and walk in the rain
and go through our days alone
but not alone.

Here we are now,
hands reaching out into the air
that separates us
and we will somehow touch our way
to each other's hearts and grow strength,
there
as we share the same sky
and learn to love
from the distance.

like golden dust

i have let go of thoughts that
scab and stretch like half-opened wounds
seeing in the distance much more than just
blank spaces in the slur of my mind.

once upon a time
there was a girl who held onto
memories that slayed her
like a thousand blades
crippling her shine with mounds of
suffocation.

i have grown to embrace
that there are still chances
to grasp a bliss that needs no dreaming for
in a reality once broken to me
like when the sight of you
can wash my every pain

because you are to me
the life i once forgot to love
when the clouds tore apart
and shook me into the hurricanes.

i have now learnt
to love myself a little more
than before

because with you
it is like when dust turns
to gold
in the silence of a sunset
and the world is breathless for just a while
as if every soul is sighing
for that second of


absolute beauty.

3.01am

tick
i can't sleep
tock
i can't sleep
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i can't sleep
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i can't sleep
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i can't dream
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i can't dream
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i can't dream
tock
i can't sleep
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i can't sleep
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i can't sleep i can't tick dream i can't sleep tock sleep i can't tick dream sleep
i can't sleep
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i can't dream
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i can't dream
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i wake up screaming
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tock

tick
help

tock.

for you, my most

it is a thick, musky choke
of unspoken words
adrift in the air
as we stare into each other's worlds
and feel estranged yet
familiar.
we sense our million apologies
under our skin; within every
breath
hush apologies that fall
over things that do not really
matter, now.

we hold in little spaces
colossal dreams and a tender
reality
you will always bring me back to
when i sink beneath surface
- the smell of your hair; your breath,
moist on my neck; my clench
urgent
on the scapes of your body

the way your voice lulls me
out of the closets of my mind.

i feel beautiful when i am
in your arms
like a snowflake you are afraid
of breaking
yet your warmth will always
melt me
into little droplets and i will
float towards the sun;
free & full of shine.

when you balance my name
so carefully on the tip of your lips
you are to me
a life so ethereal
like the horizons
on a skyline
reaching out from beneath.

Marvel

You are a marvel
as we are tangled
in two
your heartbeat against my skin
our bodies
warm with emotion
like summer moist
and dragonflies

You are the strength
I once denied myself
your eyelashes tender
upon my cheek
fluttering
like the butterflies
under my nerves
as you whisper
promising words
that hold life in their wake

You are a reality
born out of mirages
I couldn't reach
and you are
everglowing
like the stars i would pick
out of the sky
just for you.

Farewell, childhood

I grew up in a world
filled with
separation and despair
but there was always a tint of
sunshine
behind the drapes of anger
frustrationcorruptdivisionmisguidance

I grew up
believing false words
and misunderstood a life before
mine
with paranoia as a parent
and confusion
a tool

Farewell, childhood
you have bid me no good
I have grown up
and flown
from your clenches of untruth

I grew up with a culture
divided and forced
I grew up with a life
drawn out and
confinedstuffedchoked

Farewell, childhood
you beauty is now stained
I have grown up and flown
far from your grip
I will miss my good memories
stashed away with the bad
Farewell, childhood
the little I had

I grew up
unknowing
with visions uncomprehended
blurred and misguided
I grew up up with
a love that fed
denial that brimmed
through the soul of the broken

I grew up unsure
with a thousand questions
buried
I grew up untamed
frustrated with
uncertainty

Farewell, childhood
I have outgrown you
you have failed to teach me
happiness
but I will find my own light
Farewell, childhood
you had bid me no good
with paranoia as a parent
and confusion a tool

Farewell, childhood
I have now grown up and
flown
I will leave you behind
my past
with everything untrue
and i will live an empty start
to fill with
an untainted future

Farewell, childhood
I have grown up
and flown.

bad habits

I am never as perfect a picture
you paint
- but I still try my best
because in your eyes
i am beautiful though my min
is torn

- still beaten,
tainted with a soul full of
fear and darkness, fear
and weakness and there are
many reasons to why i could
hate myself
and fear
and panic
because i would rather cower in my fall
than risk losing balance
when i try to be strong

I can sense how some words
taste bitter on your tongue
and hang in empty air
because nothing else fits

and I hate when I cannot
bring myself to open up
and sweeten the atmosphere

I have the tendency to
search for hidden things
I never really needed to find
but I still hunt, on
and on, because I have always had
the tendencies to hurt myself
with self inflicted torment

when i will sift through
thoughts of our past
i ache with a fury i cannot comprehend
a missing piece that will never be
sought
even though we are now
our own world

- and that is when i get scared as hell
because I wake up
to the wrench of a nightmare

there will always be rainclouds
in the pure blue of our sky
blurred and left unwiped

a bruise in the corner of my heart
the clogs that will never release

I will only hope to still find you here
when I wake from a distant call
because that is all that matters now
despite the callouses of my mind.

fingers in the sky

There is nothing I fear
about lightning
because it is just a
passing collision of
clarity. Beautiful -

But I can fear the sun
with its everlasting shine
though its touch
is a delicate warm. The sun, she
shines
forever above
a glare that blinds and
sometimes burns
red lines on my
skin.

I am in love with the moon
yet i am only
in love with a reflection
tainted by the
everlasting shine
as it shares the
inevitable light
the moon greedily
absorbs.

The new moon sometimes seem
so much better
because I don't need to feel the need
to sit and watch
and I can own the sky.

There is nothing I fear
about lighting
but the blinding light
of a forever sun
is a risk that will
always burn in my mind.

touch

there are memories that i'd handpick
and capture for your keep
but they are the ones
that linger in between our fingers
free and full to the brim

and i will not taint
an ever glowing shine
to temporarily ease
an ever lasting pain

i am in a state of mind
that holds heavy and bold
yet hollow in the middle
and you are the only touch i need
to fill up the cracks
with a substance so fluorescent
to pull me together
when i feel i am disintegrating

there are things we lose
in a natural disaster
that will never be replaced
but where there is ruin
there will always be hope
of a day the aftermath will
blow away

and i began to believe
my light had scorched dry
but this is the part where
my hurricanesdroughtsquakesfloods
take flight
because despite of certain holes in me
that can no longer be filled -
you are now here

i am in a state of mind
that holds nothing
but i have seen my aftermath blow away
and you are the only one
who can whisper away my nightmares
and recapture my dreams

black shapes

it is always a curse i have faced
when i create something beautiful
from the seam of memories
and meet with a tangle of tight
immovable knots that clog and
blacken.

it began when i left myself out to dry
because i admired the sun
until i charred into ashes and
disappeared into the wind.

he is the sky to which i turn up to
seeking a newfound solace and
tiny places where i can mend the cracks
inside my body
because he is teaching me to not fear
and i feign an everlasting beauty
that never darkens over time
because i don't want him to ever be
the reason to which i cry.

my expectations have always been
unrealistic
and strayed.

i have always been good at controlling my emotions
and feeling the greener grass beneath my feet
never sensing the effect of anything taking a stab at my heart
- i was my strongest shield.

but one day the world tore apart
and burnt me numb until i was as broken to the core
as the world around me in its aftermath.

i have tried time after time after
the longest time
to regain what i've lost
all my strength all my ground all my -
everything
but it is pure, blatant truth
that after all my angsty urges to
be free
i am still a girl who fears to sleep without cover.

it is time they should know
how every little thing that goes wrong
will send me
spiralling into the dark and
screaming for an outlet
and i will feel myself ticking like explosion
as i unravel into insanity
and turning inside out
like i always do
when i feel my heart
excreting a dark, dirty emotion i try so hard to forget
but always find a way to conjure it up
all by myself
like fucking suicide.

hurt.

cold. ugly. familiar.